HO HO HO!

I had a very busy day. It's a good way to avoid eating though. I have a headache this evening and I know it is mainly because I didn't eat enough today. I just didn't have time to stop though. I managed to get down the bare minimum amount though and so I think I will be okay. I think all the Christmas shopping is done! YAY! There is still some stocking stuffers of course, but other than that, I think we are about finished for the most part. Trey and I went to the Dollar Store today after school and bought a whole beautiful collection of ornaments. Did I mention...ALL DOLLAR STORE? Because I think it looks lovely. Now to hope the cats leave my poor tree alone. We also installed mini trees in front of the house. Talk about a job! I am glad I got them up at the very beginning of the holiday season because if it were any less than that...it just wouldn't be worth it! I also tried to put some lights in my tree...but one of the strings isn't working and so it looks stupid. But, it's staying until some genius (like my husband) can figure out how to fix that part. Below are some pictures:

Regrets and Negotiations

I have decided that I am moving my weigh-in day this week…until Wednesday. Why? Because I so over-did over Thanksgiving weekend that I don’t have results I am comfortable facing today. But, the reckoning will stand after that, and whatever number comes up I will live with. Also, that doesn’t mean I am going to now always weigh in on a Wednesday. Next Monday, just a few days later; I will also face that number. I can live with this idea. I just couldn’t live with today’s weight.


I had a feeling as the food holiday neared last week that I was going to have some problems. To be honest, I started this program very close to the holiday and wasn’t sure I was very prepared for the full force of a full-on buffet of wonderful and delicious food choices. Plus the abundance left over the following days. I exercised hard leading up to and even on the day, but it just didn’t do for me what it needed to. Ah well….now I need to not keep dwelling on my past and focus forward to Wednesday. Yes, that is where my energy needs to lie.

Despite food issues…the holiday weekend was great. I was able to spend time with family on Thursday and had the pleasure of an extra day with my husband. Even if we don’t do anything…it’s just nice being able to hang out in the same space with each other. We were able to get a bit of Christmas shopping done. That was a bonus. I need to get the presents wrapped and out of sight from Trey as soon as possible. I think I will dig out the decorations today too and decide what kind of tree design we will have this year. It may be time to tweak that again. I sense a trip to Dollar Store in my future today.

Another afghan is nearly finished. I only have a few more rows and then some fringe to add. I will add a picture as soon as I do.

My Brush With Celebrity

When I first made the decision to join Nutrisystem as a way of aiding me in losing weight; it started from a series of commercials on television. For quite awhile I had nagged myself constantly about getting off my butt and doing something, and then I would turn the channel to food network, watch some stupid cooking show, get hungry and all my aspirations would be tossed out the window again.


Then, Marie Osmond lost 50 pounds and was all over the t.v., and I have always admired her for some reason and so was impressed to see her appearance transformed. But, being diabetic, and knowing a little about the program and the fact that it probably wouldn’t be a wise choice, I balked at the idea of tossing out $300 a month for their food. Then it happened. I was sitting in my house one day and on the screen comes a Nutrisystem commercial. It shows a man at the beach walking with his dog and as he comes to this incredibly high set of stairs that proceed up the side of a large hill he asks his dog, “Are you ready?” and they start to climb the stairs. As he gets to the top they sort of impose this alternative image of him as a heavy, panting, overweight man leaning against the railings, not able to take another step…and then it focuses back on the healthy version of that same man easily climbing up the stairs and reaching the top. The voice-over says something like, “This is Mike…he lost 110 pounds using the Nutrisystem-D program…now for diabetics.” BAM…it hit me…they have a diabetic program now. I have absolutely NO excuse not to at least look into this. So I went to their website and investigated the ins and outs and how it differs from the regular program.

Nutrisystem does limit some of the entrée choices available. For instance, some of the higher carb meals are not on our list and so forth. The daily diet consists of 2 extra snacks that are basically a serving of protein or a milk, and occasionally a fruit. It seems pretty sound.

So I joined. And part of my joining was trying to be as involved as I could on their website. They have a lot of helpful tools available and a personal start page that I can develop which is all about me. So now I get to the “brush with celebrity”.

I was looking at the “My Page” and noted you could write a small biography of yourself there. The other evening I sat down and let the writing bug in me take over. I wrote about how I started with a weight issue as a child and how it has progressed over the years to where I am today. I mentioned my struggle with diabetes and the worries I have concerning it. I also mentioned how I saw the commercial on tv and because of it was led to the website for diabetic members.

So, lo and behold, a couple days ago I get a message on my page from another member. A man named Mike. He said he had read my little biography, and congratulations on my choice to change my life through weight loss. Then he asks me if it was the commercial with the man walking at the beach that led me to join. I take a look over at his page and discover that HE was the man in the commercial! Just a real guy (not an actor) that shed 110 pounds and was asked to make a commercial for their product. Wow…kind of fun.

This has also happened over at the forums. There is a woman there named Pam, that has lost over 100 pounds as well, and she has been on the forums answering so many questions I have asked and contributing advice to all. She also has been used for their commercials on the website as well as TV…I just like how the program uses real people. And, I have seen so many success stories there. People losing 100 pounds or more is NOT that unbelievable. It can happen…I have seen it happen and now I just have to MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Amazing Monday

I had a good weekend where the program was followed to the letter. I am also proud of Trey because he really has taken to these changes pretty well. He still, as any child would, crave some more fattening alternatives to what we are eating, but all in all he has bucked up and done what needs to be done. He is down 4.5 pounds this morning in our weigh-in. As for me.......drum roll......I have now lost 16 pounds! Yay! I am loving it. I have to try very hard to not let pounds creep back on since it is Thanksgiving week. I know if I do, I will get very depressed come next Monday.


As for Trey...this past week was a lot of changes. I started packing his lunch from home. I do believe that has made a big difference. I also went to Big Lots and bought a few of the NS entrees that they have there. The dinners are $3 a piece, and to my thinking, that is still kind of high...but, I do think they make a difference, and he is willing to eat them and try harder. Maybe they give him a little more incentive to try harder, or something? Not sure...but he always willingly will opt for those, along with a vegetable and I have allowed him some whole wheat garlic bread. (Just diet bread, buttery spray and garlic salt...but he takes to it like it's the real thing) I also worry about him over the holidays, but have decided on Thanksgiving day I won't nag him much, but the friday and weekend after, we are both back with the program AND walking everyday. Those walks might well save everything.

But wow...16 pounds. Awesome. I feel wonderful about that. I was so surprised too when I stepped on the scales this morning and that was what registered. I actually re-weighed myself about 3 times just to make sure it wasn't some weird fluke. But, that's what it said. 4 more pounds and I am already down 20! How amazing. I don't expect that to happen in my next week weigh in, but it would be pretty cool. :)

Yesterday after church, I worked really hard on my latest afghan. I had been putting it off for a week, so it was good to make some progress. I think if I am diligent today, I could get it finished by this evening. At that point I will only have 3 more to go. Sounds like a lot! I can do it though. Here is a progress picture of the one I am currently working:

Before Picture

I guess I need to face this. This will be one of my "Before" pictures. This was taken on our wedding day, August 20, 2009. I guess we will see if at the very least my massive arms will shrink a bit and that double chin. grrr.....but, like it or not, this is where I am. I have to start somewhere...right?

Cards, New Moon and Thanksgiving

Here are the cards I have been working on for the last 2 days. The Red themed ones are for Cassi, and the Blue for Jordan. That's 60 cards...and I am done! I hope they like them. They are basically the same design, but hopefully no one will really care about that.

I pretty stoked that I was able to find a way to get pics off my phone and onto this blog. It's a little bit of an ordeal, but it works and I like that! And the nice thing is, all I have to do is send a text picture to make it work. Love this advanced technology. Especially when it is free! It would be nice to have a good camera...I don't really know how much use it would get though. Although, when the baby arrives, it would be really great to have a good camera. All in time. I undoubtedly need a job first. Hopefully that will finally happen after the new year.

Trey and I went to see New Moon this afternoon. We really enjoyed it. It may help that we are both big fans of the books. Maybe it wouldn't appeal to everyone...but for me it was a thrill to get to see. I love those silly books. It amazes me that they all started because the author (who had never written a book before) had a dream...woke up from it and started writing down the vivid memories of that dream. Pretty soon it snowballed into a sort of preoccupation and before too long she had written so much that she realized she almost had a book. She went back and wrote the beginning of the book (her dream ended up being chapter 13) and got an agent who sent it out to publishers. Long story short...she is now a guzillionaire. The Twilight stories cover 4 books. I have either read or listened on audio to these about 4 times now. I started listening again on my ipod this morning when I went on my walk. It sure passed the time.

No leg cramping today! YAY! I was worried when I got out there that I might have some problems with that after my experience yesterday. But today went fine. I had plenty of energy. My only concern was my frozen face, despite bundling up a little better. I have a feeling it's only going to get worse too. My dog was pretty frisky out there though. He sometimes irritates me because he gets so wound up and sometimes freaks out on the leash. He's kind of jumpy and I have to stop and get him to calm before we carry on. It usually works better if I take him to the park and let him run free for 5 minutes. He wears himself down a little and acts much more obedient. Today I thought I would pass that up and just get straight to my walk. I think it wasn't such a good idea because then I have to manage the leash a little more and it's not very pleasant. Live and learn.

Thanksgiving is next Thursday. I have a weigh in on Monday morning and then I have to try as hard as I can not to let the week get out of hand after that. The holidays are going to be a challenge anyway, but that's what I get for starting this journey at this time of the year. But really...when is it ever a good time to turn your world upside down and incorporate self discipline and moderation? Yeah, what was I thinking?? I really feel though, I have no more time to waste.

I had an email from my friend Terri in New Jersey. She and I originally met on an online dieting forum and since have left that place due to the Drama Queen that ran it, but have remained friends since. A couple years ago she started going to Weight Watchers and just never stopped. Something clicked inside of her and she realized she was going to make it work this time. Since then, she has lost about 72 pounds! She looks wonderful. Like me though, she still has more to lose....over 100 before she is done, but she is a success already. I too will be a success. I must. I can't think about how far the road is or how long it takes to get there...I just have to get there. Like I say whenever I get in my car and am not sure of how to get to my destination, "since I don't know where this place is exactly, if I get lost I will just call it an adventure!".

I think I need to apply this to me in the right now.

Walk This Way

I have been pretty good for about 3 weeks now about getting outside and walking. I have been taking my dog with me. It is amazing how much more invisible I feel when I am walking the dog. #1...if I do come across someone, they will comment on how cute the dog is and it detracts them from looking at me (which is my goal when I am out there) and #2 it gives me more of a purpose to be out there in the 1st place. Yes, anyone looking at me could see that and make the judgement that I need some exercise, but it's funny how the mind goes beyond that thinking to, "good idea...dogs need exercise!" I look at it as a win, win situation. I like the idea of being out in the nature and being a bit invisible.


Today though, I don't know what was the matter with me, but I was in constant pain the entire time I was walking. Every step sent aching jolts through my legs. I probably am developing shin splints or something. I didn't notice it in my thighs but it was definite in my shins and ankles. But, I hobbled on the best I could and managed to make the entire circuit I have set up for myself. I noticed the dog was sort of walking a little wobbly too. Maybe the both of us are overdoing it? :) Ah well, am hoping tomorrow will go better than today. It does feel a bit discouraging when something that felt pretty good and motivating takes the turn of pain. No pain, no gain...right? Or is that...No loss? hmmm....

I have so much to do today. I still need to make a bunch of thank you cards for my step daughter and daughter in law. They both were married recently and I volunteered to do that for them. I really need to straighten up my craft room first though so I can have a place to work. Plus I have a bunch more afghans to get made for Christmas. I have secretly been working on my son Trey's while he is at school so it is taking a little longer than the other ones. Basically, I have about 3 going at the same time. But, I am hopeful I will get them all done in time.

I noted this morning that there are 2 birthdays in December I need to recognize. Olivia's is the 8th and Kristiana's is the 27th. I can't forget, I can't forget...

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

I bought myself some new gloves and a ski-band style headband today. I was going to buy earmuffs but couldn't locate any. I figured I could somehow make the headband to work. All I need is something to cover my ears...cuz it's way cold out there in the mornings. I also bought some cheapy earphones for my ipod in case I want some music to motivate me. I am considering asking my hubby if he wouldn't mind me taking back (borrowing) the mini-ipod that I gave him for Christmas. I don't think he has ever used it and it would be perfect for walking since it is so small and compact. But for now, I will use my larger one.


Tonight was a mini pizza for dinner. Mini being the operative word. At least it tasted pretty good. I added a few chopped olives and some turkey pepperoni. For my son, we bought these flat breads that are whole wheat and only 100 calories, and he built himself a little pizza with that. His came out about 2 times larger than mine and I think the calories ended up being about the same! Go figure. I think mine may have had more protein though, since it was a NS product. A little later on this evening I will have the yellow pound cake with yougurt and blackberries on top. I made this last night and it was quite delicious. Sort of like a shortcake. For the yogurt I used plain yogurt and added some splenda, vanilla extract and whole, (slightly frozen) blackberries. Surprisingly, I don't like yogurt that much....to me it looks like something that should be delicious and then after the 1st bite you realize that appearances can be quite deceiving because it is so sour. It looks like it should be a fattening pudding! Maybe it's just because my tastebuds are feeling deprived or something, but it was wonderful with that pound cake!

I bought tickets to the New Moon movie tonight! Yay....my son and I are going to go and watch it Friday after he gets out of school. I admit to being a nut about these books. I am not sure why and feel a little bit silly since they were written for teenaged girls! I guess that tells you my mentality. I have high hopes it will be a good movie though. I was able to get tickets for a matinee showing so they didn't cost as much as I was worried they might. It's going to be fun. Of course, movies present a little tiny dilemma concerning "snacking" during the movie. I think I will bring along one of my NS dessert bars. They have one that is similar to a snickers bar. If I nibble on that I should be ok. I might smuggle in a bottle of water too. My son is going to be another problem because he thinks popcorn and treats are traditional. There is NO WAY I am going to sit there and smell him eating buttery popcorn so I will have to come up with another solution that will work. Once again....eating does NOT have to be a source of entertainment!

Some Positive Thinking

This evening my son and I did some positive thinking about what we really want out of life. And it made me start realizing that there are a lot of things I want more than I want a heaping plate of spaghetti or a half of a 16" pizza. Food has become our only source of entertainment. "What shall we do?"...."Let's go out and eat!" Just going to the park and running around with the dog, playing a game of cards....none of those things would ever occur. Instead, we just sit and eat and watch t.v. and be as sedentary as we can be because there is no energy to do anything else. Nice, viscious cycle.

Here are a few things I want more than I want to eat fattening and unnecessary foods. Here are some things I can have if I commit to changing my habits and cutting back.

What do I want more than I want that Second Helping?

• I want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes or put on my pantyhose without feeling like I am going to pass out from lack of oxygen!
• I want a waistline
• I want to feel my hip bones again
• I want to lose the double chin and the moon face
• I want to be able to ride a ride at the fair if I feel like it and not worry that the bar can't fit over my tummy
• I want to ride in an airplane and be able to have the table actually lay flat and not on my thighs
• I want to be able to cross my legs again and have it be comfortable
• I want to not be recalled as "you know...the heavyset one"
• I want to never hear again, "You would be so attractive if you just lose the weight"
• I want confidence
• I want to live a long life free of health complications brought on by obesity
• I want to not have to have the label of "Obese"
• I want energy
• I want to feel sexy
• I want to feel more comfortable in a swimsuit
• I want slender arms and hands that appear more feminine

The list goes on and on. There are so many things that an average or thinner person would never even consider to be something that would make another happy. I am sure most of these things would be taken for granted. Not so for me. I know that losing weight is not a cure. It's not winning the lottery. But, the process is not rocket science either. There are a few basic steps I hope to follow that should help me along the way:

• Exercise 4-6 days a week
• Drink enough water
• follow a healthy food plan that incorporates plenty of protein to appease the blood sugar levels
• avoid high carbs, sugars or fats
• Get enough sleep
• Think positive

A positive attitude is sometimes half the battle.

Free Days

I have learned that there is no real "free day". Sure, I can tell myself that I can eat whatever I want on that day and then get back on track the next. In theory it's a workable plan and I know many have had success at it. I tried out the theory over the past weekend when my hubby was home. We ate out at our favorite breakfast restaurant and then that evening I made Chicago Style Pizza. Perhaps if I had foregone the pizza part of it, all would be well. But, there just comes a point...and you can feel it internally, where you know you've done too much and am not sure how to stop! Well...stopping happened when we ran out of pizza I guess. Obviously, I still am going to have practise that whole moderation thing and knowing when enough is enough. So, any great loss last week I was hoping to have was rather curtailed come Monday morning on my weigh in. And my poor son....his weigh in was with a gain! Ugh...I have to try harder at this thing. Not only for my benefit, but also for my sons'. Free days? Only in the moment....but after that I definately paid!


My son is only 13 years old. His weight problem started about 3 years ago. Before that, he was the typical scrawny kid with a concave stomach and prominant ribcage. Not so much anymore. When I think back on the factors that might have sent him into obesity I can only put it down to change. He went from the baby of the family with 3 older brothers to the only child at home, in a matter of months. We were living in a house that seemed to big and too far from where I worked to make any sense, and he was turning into a latch-key kid. Add to that a certain amount of low self-esteem already apparent and he must have turned to food as a way of covering the pain. Heaven knows I have turned there myself many times! So, diminishing family, a move to a small apartment in the city, a new school...all factors didn't help. The problem doesn't seen to be going away either. With each new growth spurt, he seems to eat his way upwards along with it. He is now at that age where children are cruel and feelings are so easily hurt. I don't like putting him on a "diet" but I am not sure how else to tackle this problem. I have never wanted any of my sons to have to go through the pains and hurts of obesity as a child like I had to endure. So, he and I are doing this together. Keeping him on track proves to be a difficult task though. It's hard enough just keeping ME on task. Argh.

Here I am Again...

I am a very fortunate woman in many, many ways. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and supports me, 4 sons that couldn't be any greater than a mother would ever want, a new "first" grandchild on the way, parents that love me, siblings that care about me, a dog that is obedient and devoted. Heck! Even the 2 cats who live at my home are loveable. Speaking of homes, I live in a gorgeous dream house with walk-in closets and oversized rooms in a quiet and picturesque neighborhood. It sounds like the perfect life. But for some reason, I can never be happy. Yes, these things do, in the moment, please me outwardly. But inside of me there is a constant battle brewing. The battle is about the perceptions and expectations I have allowed to be placed upon me concerning my image. It doesn't seem very fair really. But, who would be to blame? Can that even be pinned down to one single event, or a series of events that have led me to the place that I am? I guess it doesn't matter at the moment how I got to this place, although I am sure I will go on and on about it during various posts in the future. For now though, the main thing is here I am and I intend to do something about this. I intend to peel through the layers and come up with a course of actions that will hopefully clean me from these feelings of discontent and sadness. And this blog will be a part of that process.


I believe the latest reality check came with the recent marriage of my 3rd son. Photos are an inevitable part of a wedding and being the mother of the groom I was required to be in many of the photographs taken at that occasion. I had to face the sad truth when I was given a copy of a picture cd and saw me standing there in my new dress that I spent too much money on that I didn't even look half as good as I thought I did. I looked uncomfortable and sausaged into my dress and had in a panic at the last minute covered it with a black jacket which, although lovely, did not suit the style of the dress at all. But I chickened out. I felt vulnerable and bulging and lacking all confidence so I threw that jacket on and hoped against hope it would mask the upper stomach bulge that my Spanx underpanties were only exaggerating by squeezing all my lower belly bulge up and over the top. Some might say I was spilling over with goodness...but I think that might only apply to an Otis Spudmeyer muffin top.

The truth of the matter is, while I hated seeing those pictures of myself (did I mention that I think my calves were about as big around as my husbands waist) the bigger issue hasn't been about what I look like. No, those days are gone when it was all about looking hot and sexy (or at least regular sized and normal). Now the issue weighing the heaviest on me is about my health. About a year and half ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I also quickly after gained a problem with high blood pressure. I am taking oral medications at this point and want very badly to avoid insulin as long as I can. I would love to be able to forego the blood pressure medication and maybe, possibly....hopefully have a chance at managing my diabetes without medications but with proper diet and exercise. I don't know at this point if that is even a possibility, but I do know improved well-being, energy and the ability to manage my life would be a bonus.

So here I am.

When I finally made the courageous effort to step on the scale and see where "here I am" really was I knew it was time to figure out my issues and get this show on the road. It's going to be a long journey. I have 125 pounds to lose. That is a lot. Amazingly, it isn't the most I have ever had to lose, but it is close enough to be a bit daunting.

How am I going to accomplish this? Well, that remains to be seen. So far I putting my butt out there on the paths and roads of my neighborhood, with my trusty Austrailian Shephard, Lucky. I am trying to work up some endurance to get at least the 1st 50 pounds off. After that, I plan on mixing in some weights and more strenuous cardio at the neighborhood fitness center. At this point I am also trying to jump start the process with Nutrisystem foods. I am currently beginning my 3rd week today, and so far have lost 8.5 pounds.

That's the beginning...