Monday, March 15, 2010

Feeling Cranky

Lately, I haven't been feeling as victorious and wonderful as I was previously.  And it occurs to me that part of my problem is, and always has been, that I never stop to enjoy the journey.  I am always more focused on the being there than the getting there.  I really need to stop and take stock of where I am now.

I have a good friend that has been an inspiration to me for some years.  She and I were very similar in that we met through an online weight loss board and both had basically the same weight loss goals and similar frustrations in our everyday lives.  We connected and have remained great confidants in the journey.  About 2-3 years or so ago, something clicked inside of her and she was able to finally apply the weight loss things she always knew and successfully lose the majority of her weight.  I remember her telling me that it just felt right and there was no going back.  I think she now stands at 70+ loss and still losing, although slowly, but losing nonetheless.  She stopped worrying and stressing over every pound and just decided it was time to regain her health and however long it took...she would continue on.  And she has.  Me?  I wished I could find that click in the brain that made the pieces fall into place.  But, I never did.  I really do believe this time I have.  But, part of my problem remains that I don't slow down long enough to enjoy what I have accomplished.  It is never enough, the number isn't significant enough, the process too lengthy...etc and so on.  No picture taking until closer to goal.  No rewards until I feel I deserve it.  No believing of compliments or loose clothes...instead it must be some abberation that put me where I appear to be.  Total and utter nonsense.

Why do I put myself through this crap?

I wish I had a few readers that could enlighten me with their opinions on this topic.

I have had a rough week as far as weight loss goes.  Yes, I lost a little less than a pound, but I will take it.  Exercise has been nearly nonexistant thanks to Tony Horton and the muscle I pulled in my leg.  You big muscle-bound jerk, thanks a lot.  I guess that is what I get for thinking I was ready for his bootcamp mentality.  And maybe I am?  I have seen worse-off people than me being tortured on the Biggest Loser and living to talk about it.  Or perhaps it's all cameras and lighting for good TV?  HA!

I am in this.  I will lose this darn weight.  I think I need to drum up some recruits though because I am tired of talking to the walls in here.

3 comments:

Seth said...

it's not easy. I wish I had the words that you need but I probably don't.

It might help you to list the reasons why you are wanting the healthier lifestyle.

Once that is found - being intentional in what you do comes easier. It will be with purpose and not just to count another calorie or workout for pointless reps.

SaraM said...

I'm not sure I have the words to say either, but you have made GREAT progress!!! You have lost 54 pounds - that is amazing!!!

One thing I have found for myself is short term goals don't work for me. When I don't accomplish them then I get very discouraged. Instead I am doing short term challenges. I know right now you can not exercise, but when you can just challenge yourself to complete a certain amount per week or month. I am doing the 100 miles in March Challenge from the NS boards right now. I am doing pretty good so far. That is a lot more exercise than I usually did. I can really tell. I was going to start doing the more strenuous exercises - like the Tony Horton stuff - but I think I am going to stick with my Leslie Sansone DVD's and the treadmill and just do more of it. I really don't want to get hurt and those videos just kill me. I am 41 years old and find that the weight is coming off really slowly this time.

Hang in there! You are going to have some hard times. I have not lost any weight since the last week of February. I am doing more exercise, but my eating is not as in control as I was for January and February. This stuff is going to happen and we need to not be so hard on ourselves. I had this goal of getting 50 lbs off by my July 10 vacation, but that might not happen. Things are moving a lot more slowly.

We need to just keep doing what we are doing. We know it works!!! Hang in there!! ( Sorry that got a little long! )

EmpowerMePhotoGuy said...

It's tough but you can succeed if you think positively. Use your friend's great weight loss as motivation - imagine yourself achieving a loss like her's and keep the vision of success in your mind to empower you. You can do it! Best of luck