Diet Boot Camp

I have decided to take myself back to diet boot camp.  All this week I am following in the footsteps I made at the beginning of my journey in an attempt to relose the 10 pounds I gained in the past couple weeks.  Ten freaking pounds!  It took me 2 months to lose those 10 pounds, so you can imagine my frustrations.  Grrr...  But, so far, I have managed to rid myself of 4 of them.  So 6 more to go and then downward from there.

Keeping Tabs on Myself

If  the amount of posts I have made here lately is indicative of how hard I have been working on my weight loss...it would about measure up. Because, I haven't made made that many posts like I did before and it is probably time I did to keep a better accounting of myself.

I truly have not been feeling well lately.  It started about a week or so ago and has not improved.  I do believe some of the emotional things I feel have direct impact on the physical.  And then I do that all too common....feed the emotions!  Oh, that vicious circle of defeat.

I want to be more pro-active though.  Actually, I NEED to be more proactive.

I was making a little photo thingy for my creative blog and while searching through all the old photos I had the distasteful job of facing the occasional picture of myself.  The thought occured to me that these photos are very few and far between because I have always avoided the camera at all costs.  Yes, I would take many pictures of others, but have managed to avoid having them taken of me.  And while I still don't like having photos taken of me, it is rather sad that many, many years of my life have never been documented in that way.  Somewhere down the line, when I am dead and gone, there will probably be a family researcher that will have a heck of a time putting a photo to my name because I haven't allowed it.  Really, in this day and age with all the cameras in every device imagineable, it is ironic that you still can't find a picture of me.  Not unless I make it happen.  I guess it's time to face a lot of things in my life and stop being afraid all the time.  Afraid of being seen, afraid of failure...and quite possibly....afraid of success.

So, note to self:  Knock it off, already!

This Journey...

This journey is going to take much longer than I had ever intended.  I hit a wall a few months ago and have been in denial about it because saying anything is like giving up....and...I refuse to give up.  But, my actions of late would indicate that in some ways I have been very lax.  My intentions are good at the beginning of the day and then as the day wears along I get lazy...and lazy leads to...well, you know the rest of this age old story.

I don't want this.  I don't want to feel the clothes that I worked so hard to get to starting to feel a little snug again.  I don't want to feel that ill feeling that comes along with unhealthy eating and lack of exercise.   I DON'T WANT IT!!

Remember in the Peanuts cartoons when Lucy would pick on Charlie Brown and he would let out a really loud, "AARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!"  yeah, that's me.

So..now to try and re-inspire myself.  I truly wish for some feedback in here.  A few readers that left a comment and would indicate that I am not talking to the walls would be nice.  I am not really sure how to make that happen though.  But knowing I had a sort of monitor going on, would likely add some motivation to my efforts.  The bottom line though is, I have to do this on my own and I realize that.

My Personal Trainer

After 2 days at the fitness center and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the equipment; what I am supposed to do and where to start I got to thinking.  How I am going to figure this all out and be a success at it?  Using the brain that God gave me I put it all together and decided to call Brandon.  Brandon is son #2.  He is 23 years old, a student at Boise State and married to the lovely Elisha.  And, Brandon loves fitness.  He rides his bike everywhere instead of driving, he has biceps of steel and can talk for hours about his workout.  Actually, he can talk for hours about nearly anything because that boy has the gift of gab.  But, first and foremost, he's a good son and loves his mom.

Brandon very happily came over this morning and we went to gym together.  To preface just a bit, my fitness center is not your typical hire-a-trainer place.   It's part of the community clubhouse where I live and is funded by our ever steep community dues...so it's mine to use all I want, but with limitations.  No one on duty, no manager or trainer or anyone checking in.  First come, first serve.  And, it's relatively small.  Which thus far has not been an issue because no one but me and 2 other people seem to frequent it at the time of day I have gone.  So Bran and I ventured down there this morning and he showed me all types of exercises with free weights.  We came up with a weekly plan for me to follow and gave me a few tips about how to do sets and reps and all that lingo.  Apparently having children comes in handy even after you teach them to vacuum and do dishes.  They can be your trainer too.  It was fun working out with him and I feel better equipped to try some things on my own now.

After my workout this morning I came home and ate some lunch and then leashed the dog for another walk.  I am in a weekly walking club online where we log our miles.  I need to still keep up with my 17 a week, so I knew I better do what I can.  But, my body was still humming from all the weight lifting and I have to wonder if this exhaustion is just me not used to it or is that my metabolism is action?  I hope it's the latter because I still have 2 lbs to drop from my vacation weight and I REALLY want to get rid of it so I can venture into a new weight territory.  I am 2 lbs from visiting my "teens" again, and I want to be there like yesterday.

Getting Back in the Groove

Last week was a tough one.  I didn't exercise, I was recovering mentally from my trip and doing the inward battles that used to set me completely off-track.  Well, I won the battle!  I feel pretty good this week so far.  I have decided to go into the fitness center here where I live and start utilizing the equipment there.  I went Monday and Tuesday and today, since it was absolutely gorgeous outside, I decided to take a walk with the dog.  Usually he has to stay on the leash because I live in the city limits, but if we walk the other direction it turns into nice farmland.  I like this path except for the fact it butts up against a row of backyards that all have dogs in them.  Loud, angry dogs that want to tear us from limb to limb if they could break down  their shaky chainlink fences.  But, the scenery is lovely.  Especially now that it's springtime.

Here are a couple ducks we saw taking a dip in the stream that ran off the canal.  The have sent the water down the canals now, so that means the planting season is upon us!

You can barely see them, but down the path are a couple wild geese that were taking a stroll.  My good little Lucky dog wasn't interested in chasing them though.

And while I was taking a picture of the geese, I heard some splashing and found out my dog decided to go wading in the stream.  By the time I took the picture, he was already getting out, but he was out in the middle up to his chest.  It kind of surprised me because we took him camping last summer and he was not very excited about jumping in the river with me.  I guess it must have felt good on his paws today though.

Just a lovely day in general, and nice to get a break from indoors.  The walk was about 5 miles altogether and I think a good substitute for the gym today.

The Amazing Adventures of Hiking Girl

I made it back from my 10 day food fest in Oregon.  I thought I was strong and prepared for anything but I found out I am human and things like #10 cans of cashews laying around and 1 lb packages of black licorice can sway even the strongest of beings.  Or...me anyway.  Without going into too many details...this is how it all started and pretty much ended.
A conversation had while trying to prepare a sensible breakfast on my 1st day at my parents home:

Me to Dad:  What can I use to cook my eggs?  I can't seem to find the cooking spray....
Dad: Cooking spray?  I don't know what that is. 
Me: Just something to keep them from sticking to the pan....?
Dad: Oh, the crisco is under the counter.
Me: Ah....great....

And so it began.  And up a few more pounds than I hoped is how it ended.  But, I shall overcome. 

Along the way, I did have some great adventures trying to get some exercise in.  First of all...for anyone who has read the book or seen the movie "Twilight", this photo is for you.

The Columbia River as seen from Multnomah Falls....where much of the scenery in the movie was filmed. My son and I stopped to take in the falls and decided to make a bigger adventure out of it.  If you are ever in Portland, Oregon...take the time to enjoy this view.  It's close enough and you will be glad that you did!

Looking up at the falls.  They are so tall that I couldn't fit the entire falls within my camera frame.  My son and I decided we would hike up to the bridge at the least:

But, once we got that far, we decided we would hike to the very top of the falls.  The map I picked up at the information center said it was 1 mile up.  After 11 switchbacks and a racing heart from exertion...I succeeded in reaching the top.  It was worth it!  Although, I had a hard time looking down.  The vertigo was overwhelming!

It was an amazing experience.  I couldn't have made it halfway to the top without all the exercise and weightloss I have accomplished so far.  My legs were very sore from the climb though.  We decided that a mile climb up is a killer on the cardiovascular and a mile hike down is a killer on the legs.  Momentum really kicks in too! Here are my son and I at about the 3/4 mile area.  I was getting tired!

And me back at the bottom of the falls.

We had some other hiking adventures as the week wore on.  These are photos taken from the mountain behind my parents home.  When I was a girl, I used to hike up here all the time.  It seems to be a bit more overgrown now than it was back in the day.  The views were quite breathtaking.  We were having a bit of a rainshower while we were on this hike, but that was the ongoing theme for the entire week.  Rain...

We also tried to visit the beach a few times.  The tides were very high and the surf was dangerous for the most part, so we didn't get to play there very much.  I did manage to snap a couple pictures when I could though.

My son trying to avoid being pulled out to sea by a sneaker wave.

So, despite some eating pitfalls and the constant comments from everyone of, "You are on vacation, eat what you want" we did try to get in some activity too.  Oh, and the best part of all was how surprised my dad and mom were with my weight loss.  My dad handed me out a few genuine compliments, and that just doesn't happen very often.

Vacation!

I am feeling a little bit more spunky today.  I kicked myself in my own butt and accomplished my exercise for the day this morning.  And, once that is out of the way, it is usually much easier to accomplish eating correctly as well.  So far, so good. 

Last night while watching the Biggest Loser, I was getting so bored through the commercials, and so about half way through, decided to exercise whenever one came on.  By the time the program was over, I had done 100 crunches and 69 pushups.  I felt pretty good about that.  Then this morning, when I really didn't want to get in some cardio....I forced myself. It wasn't that bad either.  I did a quick 2 miles with the Leslie Sansone walking dvd and then took my walk outside for another 4 miles.  When I got home, I slammed out 30 more pushups and 60 more crunches. And could I feel the pain in my core? Oh yeah...

On Friday I and my son are leaving on a road trip to Portland, Oregon, and then the next day on down the coast to visit my parents.  I will meet up with my husband in Portland and we will actually get a couple days away together.  I plan on staying the entire week visiting and then hubby will come pick us up by the weekend and I will then head back to Boise.  It also looks like rain is in the forecast.  Why does it always have to be raining when I go there?  Why?  About 30 miles east of Portland is a very beautiful place called, Multnomah Falls.  I think Trey and I will stop there and take a hike up above the falls.  I have been looking online at different hiking maps and it gave me a brainstorm to search out other hiking opportunities for next week when I am in Oregon.  I am really looking forward to that. Now that it is much easier for me to get out there and move my body a bit, I think the adventure of it all will be great.  Plus, it might help with some of that vacation eating that could happen.  Stuff happens, you know?

Looking Through the Reality Lens

There isn't a lot of new information to post on this blog.  My weight loss efforts haven't reaped any great new rewards lately.  Maybe because there hasn't been quite enough effort? Most likely.  But, I refuse to give up.  I am stronger, healthier and look better than I have looked in years and there is no going backwards.  I had a little pep talk from the friend I mentioned in an earlier post (who has lost 80+ pounds and kept it off...only done it nice and slow) and she reminded me that getting to my goal quickly is really not the best course of action anyway.  Yes, we all want to get there and be done with it.  We want the prize..etc.  But slow and steady is probably more apt to have lasting results.  I know she is right. And, she is proof of it too.  Our bodies need to adapt to the changes that take place.  There are games of catching up going on with our metabolism and all those internal workings that make no real sense until proven with the sweat and effort put into it.  Amazingly though, I slide on a pair of 16's and they fit me effortlessly.  Five months ago, I could barely squeeze into a 20.  In fact, a few 14's can be zipped up at this point.  It's definite progress.  Because I have had a few bad days, or slip ups...or haven't been as vigilant with my exercise does not label me a failure by any stretch of the imagination.  It actually classes me in with the majority of the population.  Not necessarily the best excuse in the world, but it is a fact.  The thing that sets me apart from that population and the company I am keeping here in these weight loss blogs is that I will continue on.  There is no going back.  I will never weight 280 pounds again...and I will reach my goals.  But, there are no time limits....and...there are no unreasonable expectations.  I have to be good to me and my body, and respect it when it slows down and when it doesn't always give me the results I could wish for.  The main thing is...it's alive, it's getting healthier and I am worth the effort I put into this.

Feeling Cranky

Lately, I haven't been feeling as victorious and wonderful as I was previously.  And it occurs to me that part of my problem is, and always has been, that I never stop to enjoy the journey.  I am always more focused on the being there than the getting there.  I really need to stop and take stock of where I am now.

I have a good friend that has been an inspiration to me for some years.  She and I were very similar in that we met through an online weight loss board and both had basically the same weight loss goals and similar frustrations in our everyday lives.  We connected and have remained great confidants in the journey.  About 2-3 years or so ago, something clicked inside of her and she was able to finally apply the weight loss things she always knew and successfully lose the majority of her weight.  I remember her telling me that it just felt right and there was no going back.  I think she now stands at 70+ loss and still losing, although slowly, but losing nonetheless.  She stopped worrying and stressing over every pound and just decided it was time to regain her health and however long it took...she would continue on.  And she has.  Me?  I wished I could find that click in the brain that made the pieces fall into place.  But, I never did.  I really do believe this time I have.  But, part of my problem remains that I don't slow down long enough to enjoy what I have accomplished.  It is never enough, the number isn't significant enough, the process too lengthy...etc and so on.  No picture taking until closer to goal.  No rewards until I feel I deserve it.  No believing of compliments or loose clothes...instead it must be some abberation that put me where I appear to be.  Total and utter nonsense.

Why do I put myself through this crap?

I wish I had a few readers that could enlighten me with their opinions on this topic.

I have had a rough week as far as weight loss goes.  Yes, I lost a little less than a pound, but I will take it.  Exercise has been nearly nonexistant thanks to Tony Horton and the muscle I pulled in my leg.  You big muscle-bound jerk, thanks a lot.  I guess that is what I get for thinking I was ready for his bootcamp mentality.  And maybe I am?  I have seen worse-off people than me being tortured on the Biggest Loser and living to talk about it.  Or perhaps it's all cameras and lighting for good TV?  HA!

I am in this.  I will lose this darn weight.  I think I need to drum up some recruits though because I am tired of talking to the walls in here.

Tony Horton's 10-Minute Trainer

Back about a year or so ago I was watching TV late one night and saw an infomercial for some exercise weight loss dvd's. they made it looks so easy. I dont even remember the details of it right now, but being 130 pounds overweight at the time and wishing for a miracle I slapped down the $100 or whatever it was to buy these things. I popped one of the dvd's in 1 time and died after about 4 minutes. I just couldn't do it! I threw them back in the box and hid them in the back of the closet so I didn't have to face another failure in my life. I thought about those things this morning and decided I am going to pull them out and try again. (plus as a bonus I also cleaned out that closet. I may have just been stalling though!)


Okay, the work out was: Tony Horton's 10-minute trainer. You would think 10 minutes is doable. What's 10 minutes? I will tell you what 10 minutes is...it's pure tortuous HELL! But, I went ahead and did all 3- 10 minute intervals that they recommended for maximum results. They have alternating workouts each day. And this thing goes for 7 days a week. I am not sure I will go for 7 days a week though. After the 1st 4 weeks (28 days of torture) is up then I move onto the accelerated plan, which is 4 more weeks adding in another dvd with more forms of cruel and unusual punishment. It also utilizes resistance bands and a gadget you attach to a door frame so you can attach yourself to the resistance bands while you are bungee-ing around the room. (talk about feeling uncoordinated. One bonus is that the waist strap actually fits around my middle now, where when I purchased them last year it was a hopeless cause)

I am nowhere able to do everything in my 10 minutes. I had to stop a few times because I needed that moment to cry and cuss, plus I have a very hard time keeping the pace. Tony Horton likes to punish a little bit and has no idea what an out of shape old lady I am! I am sure in time...if I live through it, I should get better.

At least I don't plan on hiding the dvd's to the back of my closet anymore.

update:  As of this week I have lost 53.5 pounds.  Am worried though...have to buy new scales and am worried about what my "real" weight is compared to the very unreliable ones I have been using.  (they weigh in something different everytime they are used...as much as 5 lbs difference.  My guess is their calibration is no longer working)

The Numbers are in...

While dressing this morning I decided it was time to do my measurements again.  I put off measuring myself until the end of December, and I have been kicking myself ever since.  If you are someone like me that didn't want to face the tape measure because of the pain of reality...stop feeling that way!  You are going to wish you had that yardstick when you get into the plateaus and periods of weight loss where the scale fluctuates up and down.  I wish I knew what my beginning numbers were, because that would make today's results all the sweeter.  But, I will take the progress I have made and be proud.  Here it goes:

Since December 21, 2009 I have lost this many inches from my body as of today...

Bust = 3.25 (I do believe the majority of this is back fat...so take heart dear husband)
Waist = 3
Hips = 4.5  (it's sad that my waist and hips are so close to the same measurement)
Thigh = 2.75 (the fattest part)
Arm = 1.25 (the fattest part)

That is grand total of 14.75 inches missing from Shelley's bod.  Yay team!

I measure about 2 times a month.  Usually there is just a fractional difference.  I could easily do it only one time a month to feel a little better.  This time around the last time I had measured was Feb 18th, and since then have lost 3.25 inches from those same areas all total.  This is one of the largest differences I have had in a few months.  I do believe it has to be the new Leslie Sansone dvd I have been working out to.  I logged that 4 times this week in addition to 1 outdoors walk with good old Lucky dog.  Exercise is key.  Oh, and I also have been crunching, push ups and just started on the totally terrible planks to supplement my workouts.  I do find those tough calisthenic exercises are easier to do AFTER you have done an hour of aerobic exercise.  The muscles are sore, but they are also well warmed up and more limber than if you just did them cold.

Clothes?  I started out in November wearing a 22/24.  Now I can safely say I am wearing an 18 although an occasional 16 fits too.  It's great, except for the fact I have so little in my closet that I can wear.  I need to go through and pack up the big clothes...maybe the empty rack will get the point across that I really am going to have to break down and buy something.  An 18 is about the smallest I have been for many, many years, so smaller sizes in my clothes arsenal no longer exist.  Believe me, even the 18's I have AND ARE wearing, are not really the latest fashion trend.  One thing I do need to invest in though is an interview outfit.  I never know when that phone call will come in.  Although it has been a long time since I have received one!

Face-Off

I need more before and after pictures.  Here is a sort of before and after I did.  To be completely honest, the after picture was really taken during the Christmas holiday, and I had lost about 32 pounds by then.  But, I thought the before picture was a good indicator of how chubby my face was.  When I look at that picture I think everything just looks swollen and pudgy.  My eyes..which have always been a focal feature of my face are even lost in my face.

I don't have any good full body "after" shots right now, but as soon as I do, I will do a split screen of how far I have come with those too.

I Can "Bearly" Stand It!

Today I received my latest shipment of Nutrisystem products.   Along with my food came my 50 lb bear.  I decided to take a picture of my collection.  Aren't they sweet?  It's a nice reminder of what I have accomplished.

I may halt future orders from here on out.  I haven't completely determined that, but I have quite an assortment of food stockpiled at this point, and it seems expensive to keep the orders coming in based on another cute bear.  It would be fun to take it all the way to goal, but I have so far to go and I am not sure I can financially keep this up much longer.  I am NOT giving up though.  I have been playing around with the idea of joining Weight Watchers once I have lost half of my weight.  That would be about 14 more pounds from where I am now.  Of course, it would be tempting to hold out for the 60 lb bear, based on that...but...I wouldn't really be giving Weight Watchers a fair shake then.  Decisions to be made, but luckily, I don't have to do them today.  All I do know is I really want to incorporate "real food" and things I prepare from scratch into my day because it makes more sense in maintenance not to be relying on prepackaged meals.  I know from reading the message boards, a lot of people do still eat the NS entrees on maintenance, but I don't want that for myself.  I guess I have to wait and see what I decide when I get to that place.

You are Cordially Invited to My Pity Party...don't forget to bring the Chips...

How do I make myself "enjoy" this process a little bit more?  In the beginning I looked forward to my daily walk and enjoyed watching the pounds quickly disappear from the scale.  Now, I am in that place where the weight no longer falls off of me and my workout has to be a lot more than a brisk walk outside with my dog in order to supplement my weight loss.  Now I have to do the kind of exercise that I don't enjoy very much...lots of jumping around and gasping for air stuff.  Ugh....but it seems to be the only thing that is working.  And, oh how I dread it!  I join exercise challenges on the message board in order to hopefully keep me in line and I moan and groan my way through them...telling myself in a little voice with encouragement, "You can do this Shelley...c'mon girl.. just a few more minutes".  And the reality is, I will probably ALWAYS have to maintain this level of activity in order to KEEP the weight off.  Ugh again.

Poor, poor me.  What's a girl to do?

Well, one alternative is to get lazy and get fat again.  Oh wait...it's  not like I am now skinny.  I better stick with this so I can at least not be "fat" now.  What an ugly 3-letter word!

I do see me finishing the weight loss part of this thing.  I have no idea how long it will take.  I do have an idea I will not be able to continue on with Nutrisystem that much longer.  The expense of it is getting out of control.  If I have to resort to another form of diet based on the knowledge I have gained, I don't see that as a failure with my program.  I see that as being proactive.  NS isn't magic.  It's just one method of losing weight and so far has been very good to me.

But, I really need something in my life right now that puts all the efforts into perspective.  I need to feel a lasting sense of entitlement to weight loss.  I need to feel like I am making more of a difference.

Big News!

Big to me anyway!  I reached the -50 lb milestone today!  (actually 50.5) To celebrate I rewarded myself with 5 continuous miles with my Leslie Sansone dvd.  I am not in as much pain as I was at the beginning of the week after doing that, so I guess I have already started to adapt my muscles to it.  I even did the 1st mile with the 2 minute boost.  I decided I would work up to the other 4 boosted.  Too much bouncing around is not very....comfortable for me!

My oldest son and his wife are at the doctor right now....waiting to hear what the baby is going to be.  I am so excited!  Will add it here as soon as I hear back.  He said he would text me the ultrasound picture, so if that is true...I will try to add it to this blog. :)

Baby Clark was being modest, so they will return next week to try again.  I have to admit having seen the profile of my sweet little grandbaby really brought tears to my eyes.

Wednesday Updates

There isn't anything new to write about today, but I felt like doing it anyway.  Things are running along fairly smoothly this week.  I have been plugging away at the miles indoors with my new Leslie Sansone walking Dvd.  It's kind of a killer...but in a doable way.  My muscles feel it though.  I think I had become adjusted to the level of my previous work out and so it wasn't doing a lot for me other than taking up a couple hours of my day.  I am sure it was probably doing more than that for me...healthwise...but not so much in weight loss.  I hope I have some kind of loss to report on Monday though.  It's such a slippery slope though because I have to learn to master my eating on program when Jim comes home for the weekend.  I can have a wonderful week leading up to that and then find myself a little bit out of control because of the celebratory mood we get into.  Not that I would trade the chance to see my hubby for anything.  I just need to be in better control.  I think mostly I have been though.

I joined a couple new challenges on the NS boards.  Nothing as dramatic as previously.  There is a challenge leading up to St Patricks Day about exercise and another one that is basically just a support group.  Of course, there is always my walking group...but it's not really a challenge.  I wish I had a "real" walking group here I live.  It would be nice to have someone to walk and talk with.  Ah well...

So, 49 pounds down...it's pretty awesome.  If I think about where I started just a few short months ago and where I am now, it's really very awesome.  I didn't know I would succeed.  I think in the back of my head was always the notion that I might not because I haven't been very successful to this extent many times.  Seriously, it's been about 20 years!  I just have to keep plugging away.  I do have a good support system here at home.  Jim is always very encouraging and indulgent with me and whatever tools I need to succeed.  And Trey has benefitted from the changes himself.  He told me recently that he didn't think he would ever be able to have had his success without my help and direction.  He has no idea that him doing it alongside me without too much complaining has really helped me.  Either way, I am very thankful.

Another Week...Another Pound

Once again I have been slow in updating my blog.  I did move it to this site from it's previous one though because of the user friendly aspects of this site.  Maybe I will actually update it sometimes now!  The main point of my post today is, things are still going fine.

I am now down 49 pounds.  It has been a very slow month for weight loss though.  I am not sure what is the matter with me and why I have had such a time with it, but regardless, I am still on the right path.  I am about 1/3 of the way through my weight loss portion of this journey now.  yay!

I have needed to amp up the exercise portion of my program.  While I love those outside walks with the dog, it doesn't seem to be very challenging.  I think I need to at least break a sweat and feel my heart beating a little faster.  I bought a Leslie Sansone walking dvd.  I really wasn't very optimistic I could get a work out with a "walking" dvd.  Boy, was I wrong!  That thing kicks butt!  I put it in last night and went for the full 5 miles.  I did it in 68 minutes...that's a 12 minute mile and it kills.  But, I finished.  This morning I did another 3 miles.  I hope to get in at least 2 more before the end of today.  It would be even better if I could talk Trey into joining me.  By the way...he is doing excellent.  He is down 19 pounds and his clothes are getting really loose.  I am so proud of him.  I wish I had been that dedicated and thorough when I was his age.

Anyway...still plugging along, and hoping that the new exercise will amp up my next weigh in.

Just Another Manic Monday

Another Monday weigh in done and I am feeling pretty good. I am now down to 229.5, which means I have now lost 45 pounds. My BMI has gone from 45.7 to 38.2 since I started this. I recently found an old weight chart I kept a few years back and was startled and amazed that I had an original all time high of 287. I had not realized I was ever that big and am quite ashamed by it. I look at the date on that chart though and have to consider the time frame, the stress I was under and the depression in my life. Not the best of times. But, here I am now. And I am very thankful to be here.
Trey is also doing great. He is now down 16 pounds as of this morning. I asked him where he thinks he would be if he hadn't started this venture a couple months ago and he sort of bugged his eyes out at me and admitted he was only headed "up" the scale. Over the weekend we went and bought him a new pair of jeans and discovered that he has gone from a 34" waist to a 32". I think he felt really proud about that. I am proud of him.

There is stress going on right now with the worries about my husbands job and my lack of employment. Money is a source of worry and I wish it could be resolved. I have managed in the past couple months to hide myself away in a bubble of safety that allowed me the time to lose some weight and take care of me...perhaps a little bit selfishly. Now I am again feeling the worries and stresses of life creep back in and remind me that I can't forever remain a lady of leisure here in my castle. I just love being home and though we have had somewhat of a struggle because of it, the agoraphobic side of me has relished the opportunity to be just that. *sigh

Exercise continues on, but I admit it isn't as easy for me to get out there and do that walk everyday. So far I have not failed to meet my weekly expectations, but the moans and groans are definately there anyway. As to eating healthy and taking care of the diet side of it all, that has been far easier for me to do. I know the exercise is important. Not only for my weight loss but my diabetes as well. I think part of the problem is that early on I set high goals...I met them, and now feel the pressure to set the bar even higher and don't really want to be this competitive with myself. I need to be able to say, "enough is enough". I am already walking upwards of 2 hours a day and to be honest it seems a bit silly when all that I have ever heard was 60 minutes was the max required for weight loss. Why do I always have the attitude that more is better, and then if I don't succeed at "more" everytime then I let feelings of failure set in. There is something about 8:30 AM coming along and I realize I need to allow a good 2 hours of exercise in now before I can even begin to officially start my day and take care of everyday life. I get burned out before it is even noon and it becomes difficult to focus on housework, my hobbies, my job hunting...all the things I know I need to do. It all sounds like excuses when I write it down, but there is some genuine worry and stress brewing inside of me about this. How do I stop from calling myself a failure if I bump the exercise back to an hour a day and leave it at that? How? I wish I knew...

All I do know for certain is that I do not want to stop...I want to hit my goal weight and I want to continue working on keeping it there.

I do need some things to look forward to. The holidays were great for that because I was working on projects, losing weight and it was a new feeling to be a success at something. Now, the year drags out in front of me. No vacations are planned, nor really can be planned because of lack of money and the unknown ahead as far as where will I get a job, am I moving to Portland in the summer, and what can be expected with Jim's job? I guess most things are rarely spelled out clearly. I do hope to continue on with the weight loss through it, but it would be terribly selfish of me to stay focused just there and not on all these other worries too.

I think I am just having one of those stress days. It must be Monday.

It's Been Awhile

I haven't remembered to get in here and update this in quite awhile. December flew by and here I am already into January. Weight loss is going great. There were a couple weeks that I sort of went to a standstill, but I think my body was doing some catching up during that process because the inches are starting to come off and I am starting to hear comments from friends and family that I look different. It's cool. I love it actually.


I am up to 5 miles walking...although, I don't push it that far every day. My shoes show it too because there are holes developing in my favorite sneakers. I am trying to ignore them for now, but I guess after walking 150 extra miles, they are bound to start wearing out. Trey needs some new shoes too and so does Jim since his were ruined with some spilt diesel. It looks like foot locker is going to like us a lot in the upcoming weeks. *sigh

So, here are the stats up to this point:

Month 1
274.5 BMI 45.7

Month 2
251.5 BMI 41.9

Month 3
236 BMI 39.3

So, that is a total of 38.5 pounds lost. And my Body Mass Index is finally below 40. I have a target number of 25 for that, so I am well on my way.

Jim bought me a new camera for Christmas. It will be much easier to add pictures here now. Here I am today.